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On that Hill


We stood
on that hill
decades ago
surrounded
by oaks

tree language
intimate
embracing wind
warm

but that night
has gone
to where we
keep our
pressed flowers,

to lots,
or closets,
old haunts,
garages,

memories fading
to dim colors,
crushed crumbs,
random bits.

and even
the real places,
when we visit,
have grown partial,
missing pieces,
vague,
past recall...

place and self
both at once
ephemeral

and when we
claim no more
to know these
residues of
things,
or how they
stand for us,

the very
fields and forests,
homes,
the sidewalks, streets,
and lawns

will all be bare and new again--

as swept of us
as we of them

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Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
dyvyd
Jul. 1st, 2009 04:59 pm (UTC)
This is just a stab, a quick sketch, as I think there may be a more profound response eventually. And even with this pruning, I feel the penultimate stanza to be a kind of "filler" that still needs fixed.

I put the poem in plural so it would speak more of human experience than just my own fading or despondency. In fact the poem is a positive response to the fading, keeping it before it is utterly gone, so I can revisit it later and not lose it.

anselmo_b
Jul. 1st, 2009 06:15 pm (UTC)
I like it the way it is already. The only thing that gives me a bit of trouble is the subject-predicate relationship in the last two verses, but I wouldn't know how to put it better either.
dyvyd
Jul. 1st, 2009 06:39 pm (UTC)
yes, the confusion of subject predicate I would say was semi-intentional. But I just took out the word "away." Had thought of "clean" there also, but both are obvious cliche words there. Now its more intentional.

Sometimes the removal of a single word, alters, lets new meaning possible.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
Cydonia photo: ESA

This is the journal of David Ross
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